Days 55 & 56: It was the best of times...It was the worst of times...

Howdy All!

Okay, as I mentioned in my last post, I had a date on Saturday morning.  I will not be posting details except for how they relate to my diet, excerise and overall well being.  I like to be careful when meeting guys for the first time, so I asked him to pick me up at a Denny's near my home.  He wanted to meet my parents, so they drove me to the restaurant.  Mom and I split a Moons Over My Hammy meal while waiting for him to arrive.  He spoke to my parents briefly before we headed out on a three hour ride to the Everglades, stopping once at a fruit stand for me to get a Seven Up (my first soda in two months) and then stopped briefly for a quick bite at McDonald's.  Although I wasn't very hungry, we knew we would be unable to eat for few more hours because of the limited choices within Everglades National Park, so I had 8 Chicken McNuggets and 3 Fries.  Inside the park, we boarded a Pontoon for a tour of the Buttonwood Canal and it's adjoining waterways.  Although I didn't get much exercise, I like to think I at least burned some calories on the two hour ride in the Florida heat.  lol  After that, he treated me to dinner at a little Mexican restaurant named "Rosita's" and we enjoyed a leisurely drive along a few scenic routes.  Enjoyed a couple of hours talking in another small Everglades park before finally heading home around midnight. 

So, as you can see, I spent a good fourteen hours of the day with my date, which left little time for anything else.  Diet wise, I didn't necessarily make the best options, but I did minimize my consumption, cutting my meals by half for the most part (though my actual calories for the day are nearly impossible to calculate.)  In regards to exercise, there was some very, very minimal walking; I would assume I burnt the most calories sweating because of the heat, talking his ear off and laughing 90% of the time.  And, in regards to my overeall well-being, I have spent most of the day smiling from ear to ear, optimistic about my possibilities, hopeful, and thankful.  I've had extra energy today due in part to my bouyant mood and there *may* be little fluttery feelings in my stomach that have helped to quelch my appetite for the day.

I wasn't able to calm down enough to get to sleep until about 3 am.   I found myself awake once again around 4 am and managed to fall back to sleep about an hour later.  Despite the sleep deprivation, with the help of a Vitamin Water Energy drink and a banana, I found myself walking on Cloud 9 most of the day.  Due to some unforseen circumstances, I was informed that my job will be demoting me down to a lower position and cutting my pay - although they are currently unable to inform me what my new rate of pay will be.  My manager has assured me that she will speak to the corporate HR representative, as well as our in house Personnel Manager to find out more details and see if there is anything else that I can do on my part, and in turn, I will be contacting a few people to see what my options are for fighting the demotion.  Needless to say, the whole thing was very upsetting and by the time I was released for my lunch break, I had absolutely no appetite.  A couple of coworkers managed to cheer me up and, after getting a few really sweet messages from my Saturday date, I was able to return to my happy place.

After work, I grabbed a Slim Fast shake and set about visiting a couple of stores to exchange some items.  By the time I got home, it was 8 pm and my energy reserves were completely depleted...honestly feel like I could fall asleep any second.  So, aside from the running around I did at work today and the errands I complete afterward - there will be no exercising for me tonight.  However, I should be very under my calories for the day, as I've chosen another Slim Fast shake, some cantaloupe and some almonds for my dinner.  Although my research has warned me against going under 1200 calories a day, a friend of mine who is studying health and fitness has advised me that she doesn't believe in the "starvation mode" theory.  So, my mental compromise is that consuming less than 1200 calories shouldn't hurt me...as long as I don't make a point of doing it too often.

Sadly, today is the last day of September and - although I won't know how I did until my final weigh in tomorrow, I can't help but feel like I've really failed myself and all of you this month.  Well, maybe fail is too strong of a word...but I KNOW I could have done better and I most definitely should have tried harder.  For that, I am disappointed in myself.

But, I'm learning to let myself feel without letting my feelings slow me down.  I can be dissappointed in my failures while not allowing that to interfere with my determination to succeed.  I'm going to trip and fall from time to time...it's not always going to be easy.  There will be times when I have to struggle against the current to get it done and there will be times that I'm simply too tired and overwhelmed to be my very best.  For times like these, I need to learn to feel, forgive, learn, and move on.

Given how much better I did diet wise today, I'd say I'm onto a pretty great start.  Wouldn't you?

October - bring it on!