Day 11: And Stuff...

Heidy-Ho Everybody!

Woke up early for a sunrise run, but the rain not only kept me indoors, but kept me sleepy as well.  But...sleeping in is heathly sometimes too!  I'm not giving up - I've already set my clock so I can try again at 6 am tomorrow.

In the meantime, I decided to research resistance/strength training that I can do at home without having to buy any equipment.  Muscle burns more calories than fat does - even when your body is at rest.  Ergo, the more muscles I develop, the more calories I will burn when I decide to sleep in on rainy days.  :o)  Besides, I already knew that it is important to have a healthy balance of cardio and strength training when exercising, so it's all good.

So, there appear to be plenty of exercises I can do without having to buy any special equipment.  I can also recycle milk jugs to use as "weights".  One website suggested I use a gym bag as well but, seeing as how I do not have a gym bag, it seems silly to go out and buy one while trying not to waste money on "exercise equipment".  In addition, I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask local family and friends if they had any exercise gear gathering dust at home that they would be willing to donate to my cause.  So far, I've recieved a lot of free advice, but no actual donations or loans.  :oP

I've been having a terrible time getting my preferred exercise playlist onto my phone.  Sure, there's Pandora and other fitness apps that play music, but I spent so much time choosing specific songs that really motivate me and make me feel good that it is aggravating that I can't seem to get them from my computer to my phone.  Then, one of my beloved FB followers suggested MP3 Rocket.  I downloaded it tonight and DAMN - IT'S FAST! Rocket is a perfect name for it.  I tested out my phone with the music I downloaded thus far and all seems to be right with the world!  Can't wait to try it out on the track tomorrow.

Meanwhile, another beloved FB follower and honest-to-goodness, wonderful friend offered to give me a small MP3 player that she wasn't using, in case there were times I couldn't or did not want to use my phone.  Isn't that awesome!  She was so sweet - she offered it to me and then said that she would look up the brand name so that I could decide whether or not I'd want it.  Like I was honestly going to say that it WASN'T good enough.  After telling her she was a nut if she thought I was going to pass up that opportunity, she vowed to send it to me and share any music that she had available.  I am so incredibly lucky to have her on my side and only wished that she lived closer so that I could hug her more often and try to absorb some of her awesomeness.

In an earlier blog, I referenced my belief that my trouble with food lies in my mind and not in my stomach.  A momentary mental lapse this afternoon supported claim.

You see, because of my obesity, my body currently burns more calories a day than the average woman.  It makes sense, really - my body has to carry and support a lot more weight, which requires more energy  But, even at rest, my body will still require more energy to do simple tasks, such as regulating my body's temperature, pumping my blood hard enough to get through my large frame or getting the oxygen in through my stressed out lungs.  I'm like a large, poorly maintained, leaky building - there is nothing efficient about the way I use energy at this time.
Therefore, whereas the government recommends a daily caloric intake of 2,000 calories for a person to maintain a healthy weight, my diet needs currently allow me a total of 2,750 calories for one day.  This number is supposed to be approximately 500 calories LESS than my body needs for a typical day.  By eating 500 less calories, my body is required to burn off my excess fat, thereby inducing weight loss.
The past week and a half - with minimal effort - I have been easily consuming less than my recommended 2,750 calories a day.  I'm by no means starving myself - I've just been coming in below the maximum allowed.  I was thinking "This weight loss thing is EASY!  Why didn't I do this before?"

It then occurred to me that, as I continue to lose weight, my maximum caloric intake will begin to gradually decrease as well.  I'm not sure when that will begin to happen (I suppose it won't be for quite some time), but it is to be expected.

At that fleeting thought, I felt a mixture of fear and sadness.  THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE AWAY MY CALORIES!  I silently panicked.  "What else will I have to give up?  What then will I have to sacrifice?"  I had this insane urge to run to the kitchen and binge before the "Diet Gods" took those calories away from me.
When logic and rationale set back in, I felt ridiculous and ashamed for having truly given in to the illness in my mind.  At most, as I get closer and closer to my target weight, my caloric intake will decrease (temporarily) to approximately 1,500 calories.  That is - by no means - starving.  And, I have plenty of time before that point to continue expanding my taste palette and finding healthier ways to abate my appetite and please my senses.  Before I reach that point, I will have had time to strengthen my will power and I will no longer rely on snacks, sweets, junk food and soda to satisfy my cravings.
I can't begin to explain to you how quickly this all happened: the realization, panic, sadness, calculation, calming and embarrassment took less than a minute in total - but it was there.  I'm doing great and I'm not struggling or suffering in any way right now...but the illness I'm fighting is still there in my brain.  It's like they say, you never stop being an addict - you just become a recovering addict.  Whether or not I succeed in this weight loss, I will always be a fat girl.  I will always be an overeater.

Onto other things, I am currently using this website/app called myfitnesspal.com that my cousin recomended, and it is seriously my little-pocket-diet-buddy.  (You can friend me on there so that we can help each other, if you like!  Just look for ChubbyChickForCharity!)  I'm on the thing numerous times a day and it makes me feel so completely in control of everything I do.  It takes the guessing and wondering out of a lot of things so that I know exactly what I'm doing right and wrong.  Anyways, I record what I eat each day to keep track of calories, carbs, fat and protein and it calculates how many I have left for the day.  Then, at the end of each day, I save my information and it tells me "If every day were like today, you would weight ### lbs in five weeks."

After today's food entries, I came in 676 calories under my goal, and it told me I'd weigh 349 lbs in five weeks.  Now, I'm fully aware that is probably two or three of YOU, but for ME?  That would mean a total of 17.9 lbs in six weeks!  I WILL HAVE LOST THE EQUIVALENT OF A BABY HUMAN!  It's just an approximation based on the success of one day - but that little number gives me so very much hope.

For example, some friends told me they would be traveling to where I live next summer, and this happy, wonderful thought crossed my mind:  one year.  "Next Summer" is one year away.  What size would I be then?  How would I look?  How would I feel?!  Maybe by then I'll feel comfortable enough to go out and buy my first pair of shorts in 18 years!  Or, maybe I can even go to the beach with my friends in my new shorts!  The possibilities are endless!

I'm sorry - it's nearly four in the morning and I realize now that my insomnia has caused me to ramble quite aimlessly in this post.  Need to get in what little sleep I can before I go for my sunrise walk - hopefully with my awesome exercise playlist.  :o)  But before I go, I shall leave you with a little something to make you shake your head and laugh.

While researching at-home strength training exercises on YouTube, I came across this scenario:

(Sorry, I can't seem to enlarge the picture.)

As you can clearly see, I looked up an exercise called the "Chair Dip" and then watched a video called "In-Home Triceps Exercises:  How to Do Chair Dip Triceps".  As usual, when the video finished, YouTube showed me several "related" videos that I could check out next - in the middle of which was a picture of delicious chocolate covered peanut butter bon-bons!

YOUTUBE, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!

Just the first of many hurdles I will have to face - but I was thankful I could just shake my fist at the screen and laugh this one off.