Day 2: The Battle Begins

Battle...War...Blah, Blah, Blah
Tuesday, August 7, 2012

From a charitable point of view, Day 2 was phenomenal.  Thanks to five generous contributors, I will earn a total of $4.60 per pound lost in August.  Whoever thought my fat would do go for the world?  lol  I can't thank these five women enough for their support and their confidence in me.

From a diet standpoint, day 2 wasn't terrible.  I haven't done any shopping yet, so I'm making the most of what we currently have in the house and trying not to deny the things I love.  For example, I'm a hot dog junkie (yes, I have a basic idea of what is in them and no, I don't want to talk about it).  So, I had two hot dogs for breakfast with some popcorn, knowing that I could then work my caloric intake around that and hopefully go walking later in the day.

The walk didn't happen...but a nap did.  Does that count?  Oh well - joined up for myfitnesspal.com and according to my input on that site, I came in under my suggested calories and carbs for the day, but doubled my recommended fat intake. 

Whoopsie!

Did some research online on the 25 best foods to assist weight loss.  I was glad to see that there were a lot of foods I like: broccoli, oatmeal, eggs, plantains...even black beans and rice (given that I substitute brown rice for white rice).  There are a lot of foods I've been curious about but have never tried, such as avocado, barley, quinoa, grapefruit, wild blueberries and lentils.  And then there's the stuff I've never really been a fan of.  Mostly beans.  Blech!  Kidney Beans, Garbanzo Beans, White Beans...BEANS, BEANS, BEANS!  I've never cared for the texture of beans; the tougher skin with the mushy, grainy insides.  The latins of my community have made black beans tolerable for me but not even they could save the other kinds of beans.  They suggest wine and lots of green tea too - two beverages I've never had a fondness for.

On the other hand, I've found as I've matured that my tastes have changed.  I now have a desire for dab of mustard with certain meals when I used to loathe it.  My mom is still astonished that I now buy yogurt from time to time and that I have started added spinach to meals when I cook.  So, maybe I've developed a taste for these previously inedible foods?  Or, perhaps I can find a way to prepare them that will enhance their appeal.  Or still, perhaps I can just work them into my diet in a way where it soon becomes second nature for me to think of them...like, brainwashing myself into liking them.

I'm aware I don't HAVE to eat all 25 super foods to lose weight, but one of my problems with dieting in the past is having to cut my food palette down significantly.  When you go from eating 100 different foods to 50, it's easy to get frustrated and give up.  So, instead of giving up on food, maybe I just need to find ways to replace it.  Instead of minimizing my food vocabulary, I just need to broaden my horizons.  I won't attempt to force myself to like it...I just have to try it.

Now for a little of my weight loss philosophy.  It seems to me (through my life's experiences anyway) that many people who are thin and healthy - those who have never had to worry about or struggle with their weight - look down upon overeaters.  They don't classify an overeaters struggle with the same sympathy or compassion that they may think of drug addiction, alcoholism, smoking, gambling, etc.

Although my experience has given me compassion for the plight of anyone who is struggling to overcome their addiction, I would have to counter that overeating may be the hardest of all addictions to beat.

For any other addiction, you can quit cold turkey.  From one day to the next, it is possible to throw away your cigarettes, empty out your liquor cabinet, flush the drugs down the toilet and simply walk away.  Now, I am not by ANY means suggesting that that is EASY to do...only that is it possible.

For over eaters, quitting cold turkey only means cutting out a sandwich meat from your diet.  We can't walk away from food.  We can't throw out the refrigerator and freezer.  We can't look at our addiction and deny it.  No...instead, we have to let our addiction in just a little bit.  Not once a day, but at least three times a day if we are to live a healthy life style.

Give the smoker a cigarette and tell them to take one long drag three times a day, and then put the cigarette out.  Give the alcoholic three sips of liquor throughout the day...and not even the good stuff.  Not the stuff they really want...make it a light beer or something - just enough so that the alcohol wets their appetite for it.  Buy the gambler three scratch off tickets.  Sure, it might not be so hard at first...but I swear to you, it would take a toll.

That's what it is like for a recovering overeater.  And while other addicts will be bombarded with things that remind them of their addictions...walking through the smoker's crowd outside of a building, the alcohol that flows freely at parties, commercials for casino's and money just waiting to be won, a friend offering you a hit of a new drug...people eat ALL AROUND YOU.  Unlike those other addictions which are generally considered "taboo" to an extent, eating is not taboo.  Supersizing your meal is actually a better value.  Chicken nuggets are cheaper and easier to make than chicken breasts.  In an overeaters world, the odds are stacked against you because the "cure" is usually far more expensive and time consuming than the addiction itself.

It's not impossible.  It's not the world that sick, it's me.  It's why I accepted a long time ago that - for me - weight loss surgery would never be helpful because it's not my stomach that's sick...it's my mind.  No, as much as I wish I could sometimes, I can't turn my back on food and eating.  Instead, I have to learn to train my brain and my body one day at a time to eat only what it needs to sustain me, and nothing more.

For dinner tonight, I fixed tuna salad.  Now for me, that usually consists of a little tuna with a LOT of mayo, but I cut back the mayo.  I considered adding some olive oil to it, to make it less dry, but my parents didn't believe that would taste very good.  I added lemon juice, relish, onions, celery and green peppers - all things that I don't generally add to meals - to make it more flavorful.  Just a spoonfull here and there.  Then, I added two cups of shredded lettuce and topped it with two spoonfulls of my tuna salad.  At first, it tasted like it was missing something but soon, I began to really enjoy it.  I went back into the kitchen and fixed myself another serving, having really enjoyed it, knowing I was under my calories for the night and not wanting to leave myself hungry.  But, the weirdest thing happened in the few minutes it took me to prepare that second helping.

I realized I was full.  Not "full" as I had always come to know it, but sated.  Could I have eaten that other serving?  I'm sure I could have, but I decided to put it away and save it for tomorrow instead.

That is an overeater's success.  I'm proud of myself, but I know I'll face that same decision every single day...numerous times a day...for the rest of my life if I'm ever going to lose weight, be healthy and find happiness with my body.  It's daunting as hell, but I can only do it one day at a time and hope that I've finally found the winning combination to help me beat my addiction with food.

UPDATE:  Without the usual amount of mayo, the tuna salad had seemed a little dry - but a drizzle Olive Oil the next day actually DID do the trick without affecting the taste at all.  As a bonus, many nutritionists suggest getting a spoonful of Olive Oil a day.  SCORE!