Day 19: Milestones and Fears...

Day 19 started with a small victory:  I comfortably fit into a pair of size 26 pants.

Like I said, it's a small milestone because I had just worked my way into size 28's last month.  Around the beginning of July, my pants had started to fit tighter around my thighs and butt.  A week or so later, they began to feel uncomfortable around my waist.  By the third week of July, I have having trouble breathing, so I jumped up a size.  Sadly, I had no size 28 pants around my house, only my old 30/32's...so I've been wearing those ever since.  Sure, they were baggy, but they did the trick.

The past week, the 30/32's have been hanging off my hips WAY too much - driving me absolutely insane at work where I happen to do a lot of bending and lifting - the pants were constantly shifting downward.  So, when I was getting ready for work and spotted a pair of my smaller size 26 pants, I thought I'd try them on.  At first, I expected them to be a little snug - but when they slipped over my hips and buttoned with ease, I was pretty satisfied.

I've just won a battle in the war.

See, as nice as it is to be one size down, it is going to take me a long time to lose the additional 14 sizes I need to hit my target size.  I'm less than one month in and I'm already worrying about where I'm going to find challengers and sponsors for September.  Thus far, although I have people following me, encouraging me and supporting me - I have not recieved any challenges for next month yet.  I'd like to think that I'm going strong enough that I could do without it - but the truth is that I'm not so sure.

I'm not asking for much - any little amount matters and my supporters are FULLY in control of the terms, so they don't have to pledge anything that is outside of their comfort level.

For September, I've even chosen a charity that is extra close to my heart.  A few months ago, my mom was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia.  I've watched as her health has deteriorated more and more over the past few years and this is only one of the causes for the way she is feeling.

For those who don't know my mother - she is a force to be reckoned with.  She's survived hardships that I can't even begin to describe, among them being five miscarriages between my brother and I.  She's slept in the hospital more times than I can begin to count when I was a sickly baby, only later to become my elementary school PTA president, my girl scout leader, my high school drama club booster president, the adult chaperone who helped me to launch my own theater program as a HS Senior and my best friend.  She wanted me to go to college so desperately that, when I didn't have a car or driver's license, she would drive me to classes and then wait in the parking lot while she waited for me to get out.  At first, she did crossword puzzles and took naps, but eventually, she found a local pet shop where she would visit - she's always been an avid animal lover and has a soft spot for everything furry.  Even in the years when she's began not to feel so well - she's always put her own health, comfort and happiness aside when it comes to helping others.  Cleaning people's home when they were recovering from surgery, cooking or baking for events that she otherwise did not even feel good enough to attend.

Thankfully, the Leukemia is in check for now...but in the years ahead, we are sure to have to face the scary truth of it.

So, September is especially important to me for so very many different reasons.  I want to lose weight, but I really, really want to feel like I'm making a difference, too.  Like there is some greater cause benefitting from the effort I'm putting into doing this.  It's selfish of me, I know.  I'm not doing anything incredibly spectacular to earn these donations...yet, the thought helps when I'd rather stay in bed than go out for a sunrise walk, or when I'm denying myself that midnight snack of potato chips.  If I can keep this up long enough, than I'd like to start doing walks for charity, so that I can feel I'm doing a little more to earn it...but for now, this is all I've got.

I'm loving my life right now...feeling better about myself every single day...I don't want August to be the end of it.