I don't recall gargling razor blades and inhaling a fistful of gravel, but it sure feels like I did! (Sorry if you've already read this catchline on FB, but it's the best way I can explain how I'm feeling today.)
My cough has intensified, my throat aches all the time and I have a headache to boot. I've spent the grand majority of the day just sleeping miserably. Doctor is calling in a prescription for cough medicine with codeine for the night while I'm chugging extra strength Robutussin during the day. My entire body aches - especially my back, ribs and chest from the hassle of coughing so much.
Yet another damn day without being able to exercise. I feel terrible...like I'm giving myself excuses over and over and over again and I really don't want to be like that. I want to be a freaking warrior and kick my fat's ass, instead of a pansy who lets rain and a cough get in my way. On the other hand, my family is concerned about me jumping into an exercise routine irresponsibly. They're afraid - given that my health is not the best - that I'll push myself too hard too quickly and end up getting hurt. It's hard to be objective from my point of view, so I'm constantly wondering: Am I being logical and rational in putting it off, or am I just being lazy like usual?
Meanwhile, my emotional desire to eat is kicking in. I've eaten very light, though responsibly for the day - but I'm not taking any joy in it. I'm in big baby mode and, since I'm too big to be anyone's baby and there is no one in my life to just hold me and run their fingers through my hair till I feel better, my next comfort go to is food. I'm wishing for some cookie dough, or some ice cream, a grilled cheese sandwich or some Campbell's chicken noodle soup with Fritos. When I was sick as a kid, my parents would often give me popsicles and 7-Up. I haven't relied on that in years but right about now, even that would feel like a big warm emotional hug.
Don't worry, I won't do it (in truth, I'm missing more work tonight and can't afford any of it anyways). But, *wanting* to is just adding to my miserableness.
So, with that, I think I'll bring this rambling, downer of a post to it's conclusion. I'll try to be funny again tomorrow - promise.
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